What is Love Addiction/Love Avoidance

Love addiction and love avoidance are words that describe the internal experience of feeling too far away or too close in relationship.

When we feel too far away or too close we may experience anxiety, feel threatened or even terrified. This experience of feeling too far or too close may be so uncomfortable that we struggle to stay in relationship or even avoid relationships altogether.

We may be scared that our partners will leave us, afraid that we can't be ourselves in relationship, or feel overwhelmed by the other person's needs.

Some people develop the fantasy of a dream partner who will make these uncomfortable feelings disappear. Unfortunately when a person pursues this fantasy it can stop them from experiencing secure functioning relationships.

Both these experiences of being too close “love avoidant” or too far, “love addicted” are painful and mimic relational trauma from childhood.

Some Signs That You May be Caught in the Love Addiction/Love Avoidance Cycle:

• Serial monogamy

• Cheating or inability to keep agreements

• Chronic fear of abandonment

• Feeling that you can’t get close enough in relationship

• Feeling suffocated in relationship

• Addiction to work, sex or substances

• Avoiding relationships

• Obsessive thinking about the relationship

• Trouble sustaining long term relationships

• Issues with commitment, loyalty or fidelity

• One night stands

• Excessive internet dating

• Resentments towards a partner or ex-partner

• Having a parent who left/abandoned the family

• Having a parent who needed taking care of

• Having a parent who was addicted to work, sex or substances

• Having experienced physical sexual or emotional abuse as a child

• Domestic violence or abuse of any kind

I support clients in developing the self-esteem, self-compassion, boundaries and authenticity that foster the kind of intimacy and relational freedom they want.