Compassion for the Trigger
Hannah Green
Wishing you all a happy spring, equinox and March full moon. May your dreams and intentions be unfolding in a way that you can see and feel!
I am enjoying 2020 so far, looking forward to some new learning and training through Bay Area Reclaiming beginning this month and some exciting upcoming travel in April. I am waitlisted for ongoing psychotherapy but please come in for a tarot reading if you feel called!
In regards to recent health concerns - as always please remember that if you are feeling unwell it is preferable to have a facetime session and stay home. No advanced notice is necessary - just email me anytime before an individual, couples or tarot session to let me know we will be meeting remotely.
RECIPE FOR THIS MONTH
HAVING COMPASSION FOR THE TRIGGER
“Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.”
~ Bessel A. van der Kolk
We all get triggered. When we are triggered we are having a threat response where the intensity of the response fits the past not the present. In a trigger we are responding from a an earlier developmental stage during which we had some overwhelming emotions.
Growing up is overwhelming for most people at some point. Children developmentally lack boundaries and are vulnerable physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually. Like sponges they absorb the emotions and energy of their caretakers. This results in intense feelings and sensations in the body. If any kind of abuse, addiction, codependence or mental illness is occurring this phenomenon intensifies.
When we get overwhelmed our brain works differently than when we feel safe and relaxed. Ordinarily we perceive a threat in one part of the brain (the amygdala or emotional brain) and another part of the brain checks the threat and assesses the situation (the frontal lobe or rational brain). Trauma breaks down the communication between these two parts of the brain.
The result can be a perceived threat in the emotional brain that doesn't get verified or assessed by the rational brain. This is when we have big feelings about relatively small stimuli such as a look, a tone, a pause in conversation, the mention of a tender topic or allusion to a past hurt. Once the threat alarm goes off intense emotions may follow and cascade us into a flight, fight or freeze response. Under these conditions we may start acting impulsively, saying or doing things we later regret or we may start shutting down and feeling unable to talk or communicate. In short when we are in the trigger we don't feel like ourselves...because we are not ~ we are under the influence of powerful chemicals that inhibit our normal functioning.
It is important to understand how automatic these responses are so that we can decrease shame about getting triggered. Once we accept that all people experience this phenomenon to some degree we can stop fighting the trigger and reduce acting it out. Acceptance opens the door to compassion. We can not rationalize or talk ourselves or our partner out a trigger. We can be compassionate and develop skills that allow for pause, awareness, empathy and resilience.
We must use a "bottom up" approach in these situations because the rational brain is essentially offline during a trigger. This means we work with the breath and with sensation. We pause and slow our breathing which soothes the autonomic nervous system - the part of the nervous system engaged in a trigger. We notice sensations in our body and start to observe them without judgement. If possible we allow for soothing touch from a partner or a close friend.
We can say to ourselves "I am in a trigger right now and I have compassion for that. This happens to everyone. This is painful and it will pass."
This practice is profound. It has major implications for the health of our bodies, minds, spirits and relationships. The release of stress chemicals from getting triggered is linked to increased health risk. One in three couples are violent with each other as a result of getting triggered. Many people become addicted to substances or risky behaviors that help them numb the painful effects of getting triggered. Working instead with acceptance and compassion means we move through the trigger more smoothly and don't get stuck there. We are less likely to cause harm and more likely to protect ourselves with functional boundaries. This is a profound act of self-care that is good for us, our relationships and the planet.
Can we accept getting triggered sometimes as part of being human?
Next time you feel angry or afraid are you willing to meet the sensations in your body with some curiosity?
What sensations do you feel in your body right now?
FAVORITE MARCH BOOKS
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma
Bessel Van Der Kolk MD
Initiated: Memoir of a Witch
Amanda Yates Garcia
MARCH TAROT CARD:
THE ACE OF WANDS
A new sense of purpose. A new challenge. A new passion. A new opportunity to manage our energy and productive and creative ways. A new opportunity to channel our passion into our daily work. A new intention to live our deepest values in our daily lives. A refusal to abandon ourselves. Authenticity. Spiritual Awakening! The irrepressible spark within. The willingness to revel in and express our divine spark and truest Self. Spontaneity. Vitality.
The truth shall set you free.