Working With Expectations

Hi everyone, here goes - another attempt at a monthly email to my community! Posting on Instagram has been fun and easier than writing something coherent so if you're into that- follow me there as a nice way to stay connected. 

Happy New Year to all of you. I hope the holidays went as well as possible and that everyone had safe travels. We spent time in Arizona and besides the vintage shopping and pool time the highlight for me was driving a 40 mile unpaved stretch of at times treacherous road through the lakes of eastern Arizona on the Old Apache Trail. Absolutely beautiful and steeped in history, the Apache Trail is is worth a visit as is the Tonto National Forrest that it connects to. Driving through dessert carpeted with grand Saguaro gave us the sublime feeling our California Redwoods inspire. The depth of the landscape is intensified by ancient cliff dwellings that peer out over the vast and fertile Tonto basin. I hear my future vintage caravan calling... 

My husband and I started the new year with the flu which resulted in some really sweet quiet time, re-watching the Godfather trilogy and a brilliant 9 part documentary about the American Southwest called The West. It is a beautifully shot and contains lots of photos and letters written by early settlers. It is also tragic account of the racism that is integrally woven into American history and psyche. 

We counterintuitively slowed down during the hype of the New Year and took care of ourselves and each other. Not what we planned but sometimes the best things are unexpected and or difficult.

Perhaps because it is the new year and change is in the air, or perhaps because letting go of control is a constant topic in my recovery community and in my work with clients, I have been musing on expectations and the illusion of control. I was also stimulated by a conversation on this topic between two of my favorite teachers Gangaji and Janine Roth (thank you to the wonderful client that introduced me to her!) You can listen to that conversation here. I am less neurotic when I patiently and persistently “let go” even a little at a time. What does letting go of control look like as a daily practice? How about you - how do you do it? 

My expectations get to die little deaths as they collide with reality throughout the day. When I pay attention I notice I have infinite expectations and I can actually practice letting go by recognizing this for what it is - the illusion that I know the way things should go. As if I am adjusting the focus lens on a camera I can tune in and pay attention to what is actually happening instead of my ideas about what should be happening. There is a whole world that is flowing ceaselessly and beautifully and I will miss it if I am stuck in the alternate reality of expectation.

For example, I expect a client to react one way and they react another - how gracefully can I get out of my head and start paying vivid attention to my client’s actual experience. How present can I be? How curious can I be?

I expect it to be sunny and it is overcast - how deeply can I pay attention to the color of the sky to the feel and smell of the air. Ultimately, which do I prefer - the heady realm of expectation or the sensual world of the present? I was told years ago that there was a vast difference between reality - which I could see, feel, hear and taste and fantasy - which was up in my head. This awareness gave my life new meaning and vitality and continues to deepen.

I enjoy the vivid colors of the present. 

I am grateful to have the opportunity and willingness to do self examination and to let go of expectations - just a little at a time. I hope you are having a great start to your year and that you can get into whatever is going on. 

Sending Love

“The love that you search for everywhere is already present within you. It may be evoked by any number of people or events. But finally, you must realize you are this love. The source of all love is within you.” - Gangaji